In our break room is a coffee machine. Above it is a big sign with big letters reminding people about coffee courtesy behavior. Next to it is another sign posted titled 'Sumerian Curse'. It extols all the horrific things that will happen, if one doesn't refill the coffee machine. It is a really boring read, because it simply lists many horrible yet plain things that will happen to someone. Obviously, as a non-coffee drinker making such a big deal over something boring was asking for a spoof. So to rebut the Sumerian Curse posting, I wrote the following posting with a colleague. I put it up. However, I pulled it before anyone could read it, because I was deathly afraid that someone could get offended and I could get in trouble for trying to be funny. That happened a few times too many to me.

To Anyone Who Takes the Last Cup and Brews More – American Law, Regulations, and Customs:

* Unless you are a licensed by the Los Angeles Health Department, you have violated city health codes and may be subject to citation.
* You have exposed yourself to an enormous liability risk due to the consequences to subsequent kitchen visitors burning themselves with coffee.
* You may be defendant of a class action law suit to compensate victims of coffee addiction and people suffering detrimental health effects due to dehydration, jitters, and unspecified afflictions.
* You may be terminated for creating a hostile work environment. Consumers of your brew may become terribly chatty and deter co-workers in close proximity from fulfilling their work duties.
* Coffee may contain harmful substances like caffeine hydrochloride, trichloroethylene, aldrin, dieldrin, chlordane, heptachlor etc. California Proposition 65 may require you to walk around for the rest of the day with a sticker on your forehead: “May have been creating cancer causing agents today.”
* Every cup of coffee may deprive a car of a cup of ethanol based gas.
* Every time a pot is brewed a puppy dies.
* Brewing a new pot of coffee will deny a worker in a sweat shop a cup of coffee and they will fall asleep during their 12 hours shift and will get fired for it. And, his/her entire family of 20 will go hungry for a week!

An e-mail about saving energy was sent to the whole company today. It was begging for a spoof. Read on.

The California Independent System Operator (CAISO), charged with managing the electricity grid in California, has issued a Flex Alert for the remainder of our hot summer season.

Due to the current hot weather, the demand for electricity is approaching capacity. As a result, state officials have issued a Flex Alert. We can all help in this effort by doing the following:

* Close your blinds
* Turn of computers after work and during lunch
* Use the stairs to avoid elevator power use
* Increase the AC thermostat by 2 degrees. You will survive.
* Encourage employees to drink water frequently. Well hydrated employees can easily tolerate the AC thermostat being turned up another 2 degrees.
* Wear suits only during client meetings and raise the AC thermostat another 2 degrees.
* Appoint a designate water spray mister to regularly cool down employees, raise the AC thermostat for another 2 degrees.
* Ban deodorants as they inhibit the body’s natural heat regulation function. The natural body smell has been proven to be calming for babies. Bond with your colleagues on a more intimate level and raise the AC thermostat another 2 degrees.
* Institute a maximum hemline of knee length for skirts and shorts. Raise the AC thermostat comfortably for another 2 degrees.