Last night, I had a rather vivid dream that I enjoyed. The dream started with me picking out bakery and pastry goods in a bakery. I was really excited almost feverish about what I was going to eat next. Suddenly, I realized that I was supposed to be at work. So, I left in a hurry. I was five to ten minutes away from the office. After a couple streets, I came to a square. For some reason, I did not want to touch the pavement of the square. There are islands with grass bordered by a curb with an occasional lush tree scattered over the square. I stood on the curb of one grass island. I knew that I could not jump to the next one. It was just a little too far. Yet, I jumped. And, in my mind, I pushed really hard to reach it and I reached it indeed. So with mind power of trying really hard, I could leap further than I physically could. It was almost like flying.

On the other side of the square was the entrance to the office building. I briefly entered only to realize that someone had stolen my computer. It had happened before. In that building, people randomly just moved stuff around. So, I turned around to go on the search. Plus, searching for the computer would be a good alibi for having missed the first one or two hours at work. A blond and bigger woman told me to look on the fourth floor of another building. A guy in a blue maintenance jacket insisted on coming along with me.

As we started walking hallways, the guy insisted that I’d show him the secret floor in the building with the ghosts that I had found. He wanted to take the rest of the maintenance team there to fix it and get rid of the ghosts. I had found a way by going up a few floors, going down a couple floors in another stair case that there was a whole floor in the building that was hidden to access by any other means. Yet, I did not want to take him on a tour, no matter how enjoyable it was to explore. I wanted to find my work computer. I had been middle in some programming effort before my break.

I reached the third building and was going to give the tip of the fourth floor a chance. As I opened the door, rather than finding a classroom, I found a huge open room. The back of the room had a railing. After the railing was a drop to the floor beneath. On the other side of the gap in the floor was another railing and the same type of room. The roof was steep. There was a heavy wooden feeling in the room. The room was pretty simple. It was filled with institutional beds. This was the girls’ dormitory. I asked for my computer. They told me that there was no computer. I turned away to leave, because it was the polite thing to do after intruding into the dormitory. Yet, I was mesmerized to look over all the girls sleeping. There was an ocean of white blankets with oval faces facing the ceiling with closed eyes. In between, there were young and cute boobs and nipples lurking out. It was usually only one of the nipples that had been uncovered incidentally in their sleep. I kept looking and enjoying until a gaggle of them woke up and started screaming.

The maintenance guy followed me a level down and we wanted to check the other room on the other side of the gap in the floor. I knew that it was a dormitory that did not have a computer. Yet, I was too fascinated to repeat my mistake to get the chance to look at more sleeping girls and discover boobs. As we walked up the stairs to get to the entrance door of the other girls dormitory, there was a wooden counter in the nook of the room. A gray haired, wrinkled skin, and somewhat scrawny security guard in uniform stepped out from behind the counter to ask us for our purpose. I got disappointed, because I knew I’d miss out. I told him about the missing computer and turned around. However, the security guard started quizzing me on all kinds of forensic tips and techniques. I thought that it was a waste of time, because only a few more rooms and I’d surely find my computer. Yet, the maintenance guy found it really valuable. Suddenly other people appeared in my dream. I found myself stuck in a group circle listening to the security guy about forensic techniques. He was so happy to have found someone to talk to.

The dream changed. I was in the same place. The security guard was there. The people were there. The girls were still sleeping behind the door. Yet, a gang of gangsters came running up the stairs. They were just running away from a hold up. They had the loot. They were about to split it. I turned out to be one of the gangsters. I had two pieces of loot. I was carrying a bit traditional milk container. It was about two feet high, made out of metal, and had two rings on the side to carry it. I was also hiding under my clothes a really oversized looking women’s purse with many papers or money bills inside. I sensed that I was breaking with the gang. They would very soon catch up and jump me. I ran past the counter. Behind the counter was the girl’s bathroom. I locked the door. I rapidly looked around. I looked at the counter, the hand towel dispenser. I was looking for a place to hide the purse. I found a bad spot to hide it. The leader of the gang was already rattling the door. I ran out of the door. I got a little past him. At the cusp of the stairs, he was holding my hand. He was sure that he’d get me. Yet, I unfolded my fingers and slipped through. I rushed down the stairs. He was right behind me. I hit the old large milk container hard against the entrance glass doors and stepped out. The metal container split. The white powder on the inside split open. As intended, it started creating a commotion. It was cocaine, blow! People started snorting it from the pavement. People started walking away with a handful. I woman with a baby stroller was intend on figuring out, how to scoop some off. The head gangster stepped away back into the building. I stepped further into the outside square. I got away and woke up.

I rapidly fell asleep again and ended up in the same dream. Only this time, I was in the office. I had been caught by a big staff meeting. So, I could not go out looking for my computer. There were a few of us sitting around a long table. The rest of the room was filled with people sitting on chairs. To my surprise, it was announced that I would be promoted to software architect soon. I was shocked, because I did not know about it and I was planning to quit. So, I had to play along, even I wanted to leave. People were immediately upset in the room, because their ambitions were pending. I tried to calm them down by saying that I was not promoted yet. It was simply that I was on the track to getting promoted. I also told them that the bosses were very open to people showing interest in growth. I had talked to them for weeks to grow in different areas and they should so, too. The people did not buy it.

I ended up in the back of the room on a couch. I had a handout in my hand, which I had missed earlier due to my absence looking for the computer. The handout was a list of quiz questions. The first one was a language quiz. One had to circle wrong or inappropriate words. I had a hard time understanding the rules. Someone helped me get it. I was excited, because I love those kinds of quizzes. There is something neat about it.

So, that’s it. That was the dream. It was very enjoyable. I was very engaged and the colors in the dream were very warm. I loved the sensual connection with the women in the dream.

Being on sabbatical, I have arrived at a stark realization. I have about two and a half months off to party. I have done quite a few things on my dream list. Today, I went hiking through a snowy forest. Yet, doing those fun things are not quite as I imagined it. In my vision, it was a lot of fun to do them. In reality, I was plagued with anxiety beforehand and exhaustion from all the anxiety afterward. It takes about two or three times as much time to dare to do something and recover than it takes actually doing it.

For example, this weekend, we had the first good winter storm crossing Southern California. Friday, I bought snow boots and warm underwear. I was ready to realize my vision of walking through the snow among the nude stalks of trees. The ultimate enjoyment would be, if I could feel the peace and tranquility that the soft snow blanket brings.

In reality, I was quite anxious about the whole trip. I was afraid that without getting enough sleep, my body would be all fucked up with pain and swelling. I was worrying about the long drive. I had all the bad memories of getting exhausted from driving. I worried about not having snow chains. I worried about not knowing, where the snow really is. I might pick a trail that would be too low to have snow. Or, the trail would be too steep, so that it would be in treacherous conditions without crampons and ice axe. I worried about buying chains, because I would waste the money. Really, the hardest part was knowing, where to go and knowing, what to expect. I kept checking the weather, road conditions. The road that I wanted to take was actually closed. Yet, it seemed open barely enough to reach the trail head.

Oddly, I woke up really early. Every day for weeks, I have only gotten up around 1 pm or 2 pm. I woke up at 8 am and was ready to go. Woohoo, my body finally knows, what is good for me. My knees were not the best, yet not really troublesome. I got my stuff together. I got a car breakfast and lunch sandwich at Whole Foods. I almost wanted to turn around, fearing that either road conditions or lack of snow would ruin it all.

I held onto my dream, telling myself that I already spent the money on the boots. So, I kept driving. I tried to make myself chant along a CD. Yet, my voice was really thin. I guess, I must be depressed, because I had no energy to sing along. I tried anyway.

Once I got into the mountains, I got really nervous. The last time that I had been up in the area was, when my friend drove over the cliff. I was scared. I kept watching the thermometer carefully as the temperature lowered as I climbed up. Once it was near freezing, there could be ice on the road. I had summer slicks. The idea that there might be smooth ice and the car would helplessly keep going in the same direction was horrifying. There started to be snow next to the road. I diligently kept to a slow speed and let cars pass. As I got close to the trail head, there was a lot of snow around. There were a lot of parked cars with people sledding down hills nearby.

I got to a place, where a ‘chains required’ sign stood. A few yards further, the road was blocked with saw horses. That’s where the land slide had happened. I parked near the Snow Valley ski resort. That meant that I had driven 0.3 miles too far. I could not see a side road that led to cabins, where I expected it. Opposite the Snow Valley resort with a side road. I saw foot steps. I figured that maybe this was the trail. I followed the foot steps through the one foot deep snow. They crossed a creek. I hesitated for a bit, because getting wet shoes in winter temperatures is really bad. I remembered that my boots were waterproof. That made it actually for an easy crossing. The foot steps disappeared. I decided that either I was on the trail by chance, or I had failed to find the trail, but I may as well enjoy walking a bit around the snow. After all, the snow blanket had made everything seem like a meadow.

It is different walking through the snow. It is a bit like constantly walking up stairs. Because for every step, you have to step up. Once, the weight is on the foot, the foot breaks down and lowers. Then, you have to retrieve the hind foot by lifting it out of the hole that it created. All around me was a pristine snow blanket. No humans had stepped out. Every once in a while were sharply defined tiny foot prints of little critters and birds. Their foot prints looked quite cute.

Eventually, I hit a snow covered dirt road. I finally got my GPS out. I located myself on the map. It turned out, if I would follow the road West, I would hit the trail that I had wanted to find. So, I kept cutting the first path of foot steps into the snow. I had really gotten, what I wanted, a real winter snow experience. I had the GPS in one hand. I had the topographic map in the other hand. The topo map software turned out to be really useful. I like zooming up the topo maps before I print them. It is really helpful for getting the details. I would continually transpose my GPS coordinates on the map. Walking on the road was a lot easier.

Soon enough, the creek next to the supposed trail came. I walked a little bit further to make sure that it was the right creek. Looking towards where I should have come from on the trail, I could make out the trail in the snow. It is funny. It is a subtle line in the snow, yet it is so continuous that it stands out. So, I started hiking in the other direction towards Green Valley Lake. It was amazing to find the trail under such a thick cover of snow. I happily walked on. It was only a bit discomforting that I could not see any good landmarks. The trees were hiding all the peaks around me, so that I had to rely on the idea of being next to the creek and the GPS.

This trail leg was supposed to lead towards a little hill top and make a right near the top. I could see the hilltop. I lost the trail in one spot. So, I mistakenly kept climbing higher. Stepping over fallen logs is a bit tricky, because you don’t see all of their branches underneath. The branches are pretty slippery. You don’t know, how deep you will sink, in effect raising the log to get over. Eventually, I found something like a dirt road and soon found the trail again.

A little later, I stopped to make snow balls. My throwing really sucks. I feel like my punch is as strong as a puff of air. Perhaps, I should really practice throwing. Though, landing a white snow ball mark on a tree is such a feat. The snow stuck really well, because it was pretty wet. Making a snow man did not work that well. The snow would not really attach itself to the seeding snow ball.

The clothes were surprisingly warm and cold. When the sun came out, I had to unzip my jacket and sweater. When the sun was hidden, I had to quickly zip up. When also a little wind added, I had to shelter myself even more. And, quickly the sun would come again, and I’d have to unzip. My back was actually very sweaty under all the clothes.

The trail was pretty clear from now on and I had learned to recognize it. Soon, it started climbing gently in switch backs. It actually must be a pretty nice trail during summer as well across soft forest soil. Now, I used the GPS altimeter to locate my position. After about two hours from the start, I decided that it would be a good idea to turn around. If it would take me the same time to get out, I would have one hour of safety for problems before sun down.

It was a little sad to turn around before reaching at least the high point let alone the Green Valley Lake. After all, it would have been only three miles. Yet, I was going at about a mile per hour according to the GPS in the snow.

So, I turned around. I got increasingly ravished. When I finally stopped, I found out that sitting in snow is wet and cold. Also, every byte of the sandwich melted in my mouth. My hunger had distilled my saliva to have become ultra potent.

On the way back everything moved a lot quicker. The whole side trip was saved, where I had lost the trail earlier. I scouted the correct way to get back to the route. That saved a detour. I was out in about an hour. So, the whole hike would have been doable, if I had gotten everything right. As I got close to the road, I heard a voice screaming ‘mommy watch.’ There was a family sledding. A young couple was standing on a wood listening to Linking Park, as they were making out. I walked onto the road and found out that my car was very close to the trail head, only I would have had to look in the opposite direction.

So, I made it. I am successful!

I also finally wrote my dog role playing erotic story. It was in my head for a week. I wasn’t able to make myself write it. Finally, it is out. I am a bit disappointed. I think that I technically described the fantasy in my head. Yet, I failed to describe, how it made me feel. For example the heroine Kayla. In my head, I can see her face. Yet, how do you describe a face? You can see that there are eyes and a mouth. Yet, how do you describe the quality of just how the face curves, how it makes you excited, how there is sweetness in the face? How do you describe boobs? There are the adjectives like plumb and firm. Yet, how do you really describe the boobs of how they shape. Only a geometric mathematician with a formula could really describe the look, yet he would miss the feel… oh, what a plague to see in my minds eye and be like a toddler unable to say the most basic things.

Her chin rested against the fabric of my jeans as a comforting weight. Her eyes looked up big at me, following my face intently as I relaxed looking at the TV. Her red hair was a huge pile up on her head with many mini curls falling into every which direction. Her hands were poised next to her chin in my thigh. Her elbows were tugged in, like a person hiding the arms under a t-shirt only sticking out the hands pretending to be midget. The checkered wool skirt curved around her ass and was neatly pinched between her thighs and calves. Her knees were tucked under. He enjoyed her physical company and rapt attention.

Only an hour ago, they were both standing near a dog park close to the ocean overlooking the dogs running back and force. He had snuck many side glances at her. She was standing there against the foggy drab sky and half dried off lawn. Her cheeks and skin emitted the luster of life. Her knee high brown leather boots were a bit kinky with the metal buckles. The turquoise sweater seemed cozy.

She had looked at him as well. She had reviewed his leather flip flops for style. The shirt was hanging out and crumpled around the waste. His pants were as casual as the surfer vibe of the beach area.

He had said that he liked black Labrador Retrievers the most, because they have such luxurious fur and handsome size that one simply wants to ruff house them. She had said, she liked such propensity in a man a lot. There was a pause. With a stirred voice, he had asked her, if she wanted to see some doggie photos at his house. She had smiled and had said that she would like that very much. They had turned and had walked the two blocks to his apartment.

Now she had nestled on his couch pretending to be his dog, his lap dog to be more exact. He had switched the channel to Eddie Aikau’s big wave surfing contest. He was thinking feverishly to take things to the next level without loosing this wonderfully forward chance encounter. He started patting her hair and collecting the big bush of little red curls into a bunch. He started petting her ears. He went for the chin scrubbing. She excitedly started turning her head sideways on his thigh. Then, he turned her over and started patting her stomach like he was scrubbing the black out of a pan. Her arms and legs went straight up into the air, waving around. Her sweater moved around showing some of her belly. The area under her eyes became pinched and shiny from her joyous smile. She did a little bark. He launched his face into her stomach and started making growling noises. Her arms flailed softly against his sides, as she started winding side to side.

With a new enthusiasm, he jumped up and started walking to the bathroom. She followed him closely on her hands. She was walking on her feet as well. Her legs being much longer than her arms made her walk leaning forward and pretty goofy. She half jogged like that curious to find out, what he had. As soon as he opened the bottom closet, she pushed her head forward to get a look. He pushed her face back with his hand. She barked eagerly. A soft green corduroy dog collar appeared. He placed it around her neck. It looked like a chocker making her appear more gothic. He asked her, if she liked her new collar. She barked back with enthusiasm. Then, he walked her back into the living room. There was slack in the leash as it was hanging like an uneven U in the air. She followed him closely.

In the living room, he told her ‘sit.’ She made a quizzical woof and looked at him sideways with a puzzled expression. He said ‘sit’ again a little more tense. She jumped up and put her hands on his shoulders and started licking his face. Her tongue went straight across his cheeks. He shrugged back as he tried to react to the surprise, the joy of a girl/dog licking his face, and not having his command followed. He struggled to push her back and in the heat of the moment grabbed her left breast to push her back.

Once she was back on the ground, he placed his hand on the small of her back. This time, she said ‘sit’ and coordinated it with pushing her behind to the floor. She just jumped sideways. She ran around him and jumped again up on him, this time from behind. He fell forward. The leash was half tangled around him. He was half in between the couch and the coffee table. As he worked himself on his back, he found her over him in her doggie half squat on all four. Her face was right in front of his moving around. He could feel the warmth from her body that was stoked by the commotion. He muttered out ‘Jesus.’ She loved at him and said: “It is not easy dealing with a playful puppy, is it!” He smiled big and went with renewed effort to push her body out of the way. This time, she wasn’t that easy. He had to put his body into moving her away to getting up.

“I am getting into this,” he said and left for the kitchen. She trotted ever curiously behind him with the leash dragging on the floor. In a kitchen cabinet, he found an opened plastic bag of gummy bears. She started begging immediately with yelps. He quickly put them out of sight into a pocket. Then, he swiftly moved around her and straddled her from behind. He firmly told her to sit. This time being pinned from both sides with his legs, he could push her behind down to the floor. She twisted her head left and right to look behind her. Then, he held out a gummy bear in his flat hand as he bent forward to her head. She quickly put her mouth in his hand and made sure to give him a sloppy lick.

He picked up the leash and walked her back in the living room. He looked at her. She was cute and young. She had to really crank her neck back to see him. Her sweater had kept sliding forward down on her. She had a firm ass. The ass had the outline of a thong and a bit of red fabric was sticking out over the checkered wool skirt. She had looked up at his crotch and seen the bulge there.

“Wow, Kayla, I love it all. You are a very cute girl. The fantasy and physical play is really fun. This is all going very fast. I need a bit of a timeout.”

“Oh, Jerome, you are sweet. I don’t usually do this. It is that my law finals are driving me crazy. This morning, I finished the last cross examinations by the professors. Now, all I can do is waiting. In a week, I could be a lawyer or I could be another sales clerk in my dad’s business. He has these lemonade booths along pedestrian areas. The sales girls have to wear this yellow dress and two color ringed socks that go up to the thighs. My daddy made sure to tell me that he was going to get my tuition back one way or another. It is all driving me crazy. I need something to take my mind off. That’s why I went to the dog park, because those dogs are always in the moment and always playing. Well, not always, the little dogs are mostly barking nuisance. It’s the big dogs like the Labradors that play around, like you said.”

“Hm, we can’t do this. You are really turning me on, and if you don’t leave, I don’t know, what is going to happen. I might kiss you.”

“Jerome, don’t stop. It is so much fun. You are like medicine…” He moved forward to the point, where he could feel her breath coming out of her nostrils. She bridged the last gap. Their lips locked. He pulled her close and could feel her large breast against his chest. Her tongue was wet and sweet. It was very composed tongue. Her arms reached around his back. He made sure to press his manhood against her. After a minute, she leaned back and had that wild look in her eyes, like she just had a delicious and exotic sample at seafood bar.

“Do you really want to play puppy and owner?”

Her eyes glazed and she said a breathy yes.

“Well, dog don’t wear clothes unless they have weird owners. You know, what that means.”

She knew what it meant. She started rolling on her back. Her feet went up to her chest and she pretended that she tried to scratch off her sweater, like a dog that had something stuck to its fur. As she had to reach up her leg to her chest to do it, her skirt flapped open. And, she flashed him with her red g-string. He badly wanted to launch on top and into her. She rolled around the floor, now trying to the hemline of her skirt with her teeth, chasing herself in a circle. Her head got flustered from the effort and perhaps the naughtiness of it. Eventually, she started crawling backwards on her hands and feet against a door post. There she tried to rub her skirt higher on her body towards her head. She got it up to her boobs, which were too large to let it pass any further. So, she collapsed on the floor at the door and started yelping until he came over.

He reached behind her to unzip the skirt. She pulled it down to her lovely plumb feet. Then he pulled the sweater over her head. He unclasped her bra. The heavy breast fell immediately forward. They covered about half way to the floor, almost to the elbows. She smiled and said thank you.

He paused, because her eyes seemed a little too mischievous for a normal thanks. She lurched forward and hugged his knee hard. She pushed her whole chest against his chins and held it with one hand. While his arms rapidly reached for air, as he was on his way down, her other hand reached for his leather flip flop. She stuffed it into her mouth. The whole taste of used leather with foot sweat was in her mouth. It smells a bit like cheese. It smells a bit like warm familiarity of being with her. Her dad smelled like that. She trotted off to the other side of the coffee table.

He vainly and confusedly tried to call her back. She only hopped back and force in joy about her treasure. He remembered the gummi bears. He reached to his pocket and got a couple out. She came trotting around the coffee table. Her breast were wonderfully hanging down and jiggling up and down with each bounce. At the point, from the armpit down, there was a bit of a concave shape as the whole weight sagged down.

He quickly retrieved his flip flop. He plopped down on the couch and waved it in front of her face. She could very well smell the leather, foot sweat, the fruity aroma. He threw the flipper across the room and watched her trot after it. He could see her whole well shaped ass with the red g-string as she left. He looked down her trim legs and the cute feet. As she came back, he threw the flip flop again, so that he could watch her once more.

Then, he picked up her leash and walked her into the kitchen. She followed contently. He placed a bowl on the floor and filled it with water. There is something so humbling, humiliating, degrading about sophisticated and large human being having to bring down all of its body to reach into the bowl. Smart people bring the food and drink with their hands to their mouth. Being in charge of such a hot woman at his feet turned him on. He lifted one of his feet to pet her on the back like a dog. Feeling her under his feet so eagerly trying to suck up some water made her seem so submissive. His hard on was raging wild on fire, like he had to put it out somewhere.

“Oh, my god you turn me on so much. The seams of my pants just want to explode off.”

“It’s okay. You can put it in. You don’t know, how wet I am from all this.”

She looked at him, leading on her forearms with her butt high up in the air, as she was still on her knees. He ripped the condom package from his wallet. He rolled the condom on. Ever roll of the condom wrapped around his penis and made him hard, made him almost worry to loose it too soon. Then, he pushed her red thong to the side and rammed himself inside of her belly. She quivered. He reached around to hold one of her large breast. He had yearned to touch them. They were soft as he fondled them and twirled the nipples. Her pussy was moist and slippery. He almost felt nothing, because his penis went in so smoothly without the least bit of friction. He pushed her chest and boobs down to the ground, while keeping her butt up. She reached her butt up higher against his organ.

The white daylight of the cloudy day shone through the window on the kitchen floor. They felt the smooth, rubbery linoleum underneath them. They felt each others hot and sweaty bodies. They felt all these good feelings coming out of their pleasure organs. The metal bowl with the water was next to her face. They moaned. The breathed hard. He pulled her hips onto his dick. He grabbed her breast. She twisted around to kiss his tongue, while he still hammered her from behind. Visions of colors melted in front of their eyes as they closed them. Soft, sweet, and young skin was in front of them making her clit hard and his penis harder. They were chasing a dream. He gave his all as his whole upper body rested on hers without holding back. One of her hands reached behind to hold him. The touch was so raw, like her inner being was holding onto him.

They collapsed. They rested. They got up.

He watched her roll her boot socks over her feet, up her calves to her knees. She put her sexy brown leather boots on. She put the skirt over her head. Her knees were still showing in between the skirt and the high boots. They showed a little of her thighs, those thighs, that he could imagine, how juicy and full they are, when they are naked. Her sweater went on. She left the bra out, because she felt free, airy, and alive. She kissed him on the cheek and left.

Fifteen years later, he walked to his mailbox. A post card with a young puppy was mixed in the middle of junk mail.

“You helped me at the start of my career. Today, I was sworn as judge at the Supreme Court. Our memory helps me escape into fantasy and calm down, whenever my nerves want to get the better of me.”

“Love and hugs, Kayla”

Last night, I was sweating. It wasn’t the kind of sweating, when the blanket is too warm. It was the kind of sweating, where you are cold at the same time. The body is sweating, because it is sick and exhausted. I have no clue, what my body is going through these days. Yet, I am not very functional. At the same time, I was so tired. I had this very strong urge to lie down, relax, and let go. I fell asleep instantly after each time that I woke up. I slept a solid 11 hours in deep sleep.

The dreams were very vivid and engaging. Even some of the themes in the dream were discomforting, my baseline feeling was that I felt really good.

The dream started seated in rows like an air plane or movie theatre. The next seat was right in front of me. The seat in front of me had a pouch. I had my things in there. Next to me were friends. We were on a submarine going towards our war theatre. This was the first day in the military. I did not know, what my job was nor did the officers demand anything from us, but come along for the submarine ride.

There was a break. I stood on top of the submarine next to a railing. There was the ocean water. We were still connected to the dock through a metal gateway. The last bag of mail from people on the submarine was handed to the postal service. Someone had intercepted a post card. He showed it to me. He said that it was suspicious. One side of the post card was a normal message to a girl friend. The other side was printed. It talked about a new recruit. It had all the bearings and locations of my journey. It was proposed that the new recruit referred to me. At first, I dismissed the concern of the other guy about the postcard. However, then I got concerned myself that someone had given me up and send my travel route and that of the submarine to an enemy. So, we went to the leading officer, who was in the ‘cockpit’ of the submarine. I was surprised, how thing the walls were. It seemed that if we listened carefully in the main cabin, we would be able to hear all his important talk. Apparently, our deal put us on the bad side of the leading officer.

I was back in my seat as the journey commenced. I was struggling a lot with my belongings in the pouch in front of me. I tried to organize the snacks that I had and wanted to eat, as well as the waste wrappings of eaten items. An attractive female from my high school in Germany was next to me. She was interested in me. I liked the flirt. She told me to get my warmer jacket out. I had bought a few pieces of clothing on my way to the submarine. Because I was in a hurry, I had simply grabbed, whatever was there. I had made a terrible mistake. The light sweater had my size symbol, yet was a woman’s size. I tried it. It was way to small and unusable. Somehow, I got in trouble with an officer yelling at me from the aisle for having my stuff so messy. I was struggling to organize it. At the same time, I realized that me being part of the military was an idiotic situation. The officers would yell at me so much, because I’d never catch up on all the details that we were supposed to do or have my stuff perfectly ready. I figured that I should get out of this quickly.

I overheard a soldier behind being happy about our mission. He said that we were on the way to the Caribbean. The mission was paid for by a multi-national United Nations group. That meant that we’d get paid better than the regular American military pay. Plus, we would get early and good retirement. So, he was happy.

We arrived in our target war theatre. We got hotel rooms for the first night. I was really glad to have some time to myself to make myself comfortable. Somewhere, there were more girls in the hallway, who were willing to snuggle and have sex. Sadly, I don’t remember the details. I remember that I needed to pee. After following a few hallways, I found a door that seemed to be the men’s bathroom. As this was connected to a swimming and sauna area, I found a lot of showers at first, rather than bathroom stalls. Next, I found a pool, where people relaxed. In front of the pool was a shallow pool. That shallow pool was apparently for people to urinate in. Apparently, the customs of that hotel/country was that peeing in a urinal was a pretty confining experience. Peeing in a pool was a lot more luxurious, freeing, and connecting to nature. However, I felt bad about peeing in a little pool, when behind the little pool was a bigger pool with a guy looking at me. How did people anyway, remember, which pool was used for what. It would be terrible, if people peed in the human pool by accident. I found a toilet further in the dark back area however.

Now, I was eager to have sex and get steamy skin to skin connection with the girls that I had seen earlier. So, I went to a room that was kind of like a sauna. There was a kind of etiquette. The room before the sauna had different things going in a large circle. The things were gymnastic bars, mats, and the like. There was an etiquette or tradition that one would go through each station along the circle before going into the sauna. Perhaps, on a high bar, one was supposed to do a certain gymnastics move. Perhaps, on a mat, one was supposed to do a yoga pose stretch. There was an audible signal every few minutes that told everyone to move to the next thing in a circular way. There was a girl next to me. She was very serious about all the postures and stations. I was kind of tired and simply wanted to stretch. I was two stations away from getting into the hot sauna with the girls. Then, I woke up.

When I fell asleep again, I was back in the same building complex. However, my ma was there. Apparently, this was a last family vacation. We walked past the restaurants in the resort hotel. There was a kind of special counter restaurant like a bar near the entrance. They served special German food that was mainly based on Alpine herbs. There were thick, big leaves of herbs on display. The waiter working the bar would use a fork and knife to cut byte sized pieces for the patrons. He had about three customers on the other side of the bar. He intently observed them to be ready to cut them the next piece as they finished chewing. I thought that was interesting.

Unfortunately, that is all that I remember from the dream.

Yesterday was quite a day. I got up earlier than usually with an alarm. My dad called me on the dot, as arranged. That was surprising. After weeks of waiting, he finally agreed to reviewing information that I had compiled about his product. We went over it for two hours. It is great that we are going over it. However, it is also frustrating. The most surprising thing is that for years, I had understood one thing about his product, something fundamental. Yet, that was wrong. We created other marketing material, diagrams. My dad never corrected me. What the fuck is up with that?

The other frustrating thing is the following. Listening to him, it is clear that the decision makers for purchases are mostly technical people. The product is pretty cheap. It serves a technical purpose. These technical people get mostly convinced, when they understand, how the product works. So, having marketing material that educates them well about the product seems important. Now my dad has this kind of old style attitude, if that describes it.

I made a competitive matrix. Whenever I listen to my dad recounting conversations with customers, it is usually explaining, how his solution differs from other solutions. My dad was upset that I had made a competitive matrix, because he insists that there was no competitor. He is somewhat right in that there is nobody making exactly, what he does. Yet, there are quite a few other solutions to the problem. It is like him being able to say that he is the only thing, would make his product so convincing that everyone had to buy it. Yet, it seems rather the other way around. New prospects have a hard time understanding the point of his product. So, if the explanation can start with the things that they are familiar with, it lets them get a much better picture quicker.

Anything that my dad feels uncomfortable about with his product can not even be mentioned. And, you can feel him getting really tense about the topic and convinced that he’d loose sales, if people would think about it. The deal is that with anything that seems bad, there are three options: (1) Maybe, it is really bad. Then, the thing to do is to fix it. (2) Maybe, it is bad, yet a tradeoff that makes sense. Then, explain the tradeoff and most people will get it. (3) It is simply something that is hard to explain. Then, think about it to prepare a smooth explanation.

There are things that he calls derogatively playing around. He tries to hide it. Yet, objectively looking at it, it is simply the initial adjustment of the device for the specific vessel. Many things require tuning. For example, the gears on a racing bike require tuning to shift smoothly. Few bike store sales people would freak out about the idea that a customer would find out that the gears need to be tuned occasionally.

The other thing that is hard is that my dad likes going in circular ranting mode. He does not like staying in an informative conversation with a goal. He loves telling, how hard it is that he does everything by himself. He loves re-telling the list of goals that he has. Lately, he is really obsessed by selling a product in Australia. It seems like an ego thing, because he wants to have sales on all the continents. I try to tell him that having a single sale on a continent really doesn’t mean that the market is opened. He tries to tell that he has a sales person in Canada running around. I’d rather say that having someone running around without a single sale is not a completed thing. In my dad’s eyes, having a guy running around without sales in Canada means that he is done building the Canadian market and he can do something else. To him, selling a single product in Australia means that he has conquered the Australian market. I try to tell him that perhaps instead of having a single filter in all the places in the world to actually establish a good sales process in a single market would be a lot more fruitful. There would be actual sales. And, that established sales process in one country can then be taken to the next. My dad does not see it that way. He says, if he’d do everything like I said, he would still be working on his first task.

Oh, I find it so frustrating. I run into that attitude so often in business. People are glad to be doing ‘something’ in a certain area, even if it does not produce results. They are ecstatic, when they do ‘something’ in many areas, because it shows that they are so productive. Two years later, there are no results in a single area. When I propose to let go of some things to really knock out a few, they keep telling me about the need to multi-task and that things can’t be done perfectly.

I simply like to focus on a limited amount of things. Then, I can really put my energy behind it. When it is knocked out and working well, it does not need much continuing attention. Plus, instead of thinking about a million of things that I want to do, that thinking wastes a lot of time, I can focus on actually pushing things forward. Once something is done, I can stop thinking about it mentally. That gives me more focus to actually work on the next thing.

At first, I thought that all their arguments were right and I needed to learn. Observing for years that those people rarely deliver and I do, makes me realize that perhaps they are wrong. Perhaps, all their bravado about multi-tasking are simply sound bytes to cover up their system that caters more to their ego.

It’s a funny thing that I noticed in meeting rooms. In business meetings, people will draw boxes on the white board. They fill the boxes and put checkmarks next to them. They feel really good about what is on the whiteboard. Yet, the reality happening in the cubicle farm is so different from their boxes and they really suck. I think that talking and diagrams in meeting rooms can be so misleading and more catering to egos, than actually conceptualizing reality and finding a good plan.

Anyway, after the two hour call with my dad, I had to drive to my second therapy session. I had only the chance to get a couple energy bars and half a bottle of water to fill my crumbling and tearing stomach. It was rainy again, yet not raining but a mist. The plan for the therapy session was to continue the deal with my step dad from the last session. For the next session, I wanted to work on my inability to pick up the phone to cold call.

During the session, I was still tense, yet a lot less tense than the extreme of the first session. The conversation seemed kind of random. The therapist said that all roads lead to Rome and that he was not trying to put an agenda on things. On the other hand, he was pretty good at eliciting statements from me the explained, who I am. I wish that I would better understand how he did it. It seems that picking up a girl, it is great to get her to reveal herself and figure out how she ticked.

The best that I remember is that he asked things like, how the difference in German and American thinking could have influenced me. He honed in a few times that my lack of jealousy had something to do with an inability for intimacy, because my ma sucked so much. He tried to guess that maybe, because my ma did not support me that I may have a distrust to women in general. Actually, like usually, he was talking a lot.

At one point, he asked me, if I go after my interests. The question came after I said that my ma tried to make me quit high school. I laughed. I could not understand, what else one could go after in life, but one’s own interests? He suggested that wasn’t universally the case. Going after other people’s interests or nothing at all does not make much sense to me. Something in my head keeps telling me, if I am off track and that I am wasting effort/time.

Well, I felt a bit disappointed, because I got to share a lot about myself, yet did not really learn anything new or figure out some of my challenges. Though, I guess, you have to give the therapist a chance to get to know you, so that he can later figure out, what makes you tick wrong in the challenging areas. I look forward to the next session on Tuesday. Perhaps, even if I only learn about, how he gets me talking that well, I will have something valuable. I remember being much younger and dazed by how people got me to talk. It is amazing, how when you know active listening and a few of those things, how you can get some people to talk. They get so much into their head that they don’t really realize much of what is really going on.

On the way back home, I stopped at REI. For months, I had the fascination of going for a hike through the snow. Yet, the snow wasn’t here. I feared about finding boots in my large size, 15. I feared about spending money on my sabbatical. Well, I figured that the snow is here with the winter storm. I won’t let go of that mental image of stepping through the snow, until I go. So, I may as well guy those boots. I had seen in a catalog that those snow boots are a hundred plus dollars, kind of what regular shoes cost and not multiple hundreds of dollars as real mountaineering boots. So, I went there. I was most amazed that warm underwear is expensive. I thought underwear were cheap. Yet, it ran over eighty bucks to get only one set of warm underwear.

I took the boots for a walk last night through the drizzle. Not only did I like finally getting a little bit of exercise. Also the boots, even a bit stiff, did a really great job of being waterproof and nice cozy warm.

After the REI shopping, I started making Semmelknoedel. It is a German recipe to make bread dumplings. I had the memory of eating them at home and how good they tasted. I was scared to make them, because I imagined that I could not make them properly. However, they turned out pretty close to what they should be. Unfortunately, the flavor was not that good. Rather than tasting the memory of the bread dumplings, I tasted the Whole Foods bread. That taste was familiar and not all that good as the actual bread tasted, when it was fresh. I got a bit of a stomach discomfort from it. It is so sad. Even the steps seem so simple, I was laboring on that and the mushroom gravy for about two hours. It is amazing, how much time it takes to make food, even when the steps only take up four lines of text or so.

By the time that all was said and done and I had returned from my evening walk, it was after midnight. I wanted to go snow hiking today. Yet, I slept for a solid 11+ hours and had only started after midnight. The day is shot. It sucks so much. I barely got up and have not even brushed my teeth. I simply jotted down the notes here about yesterday. It is already middle in the afternoon. Time flies by so quickly. On the other hand, my notes took six pages. I wonder, how can just a few things in a day take up so many pages…

Okay, I have been trying to avoid writing this article for a while. Funny, I thought that writing about a pickup seminar would be a really nice addition to my blog. Yet, it is hard to write about.

The time before the seminar kind of sucked. I felt really tense about it. The worst part was the anticipation of all the other attendants. In the past, I had gotten a pretty bad vibe. There is a gaggle of thirty or forty men. Obviously, when you arrive to a group like that, you have to find someone to talk to. Typically, everyone has already joined a circle to talk to. So, now you are left with the uncomfortable choice of either standing there by yourself or breaking into a group. Standing there by yourself in a pickup community is really bad. The whole point of the community is to learn to pick up girls. There is a lot of bravado for people pulling off sexual feats with random girls and using outrageous approaches. Okay, if you can’t even talk to a guy, you really suck. However, if you decide to talk to a group, you are in a bit of trouble. First, you interrupt the conversation. Second, you have no clue, what kind of group you run into. Maybe, the group that you disrupt is a bunch of guys, who have been friends since high school and they discuss some personal story.

Getting to talk to people is a challenge for any social event. It’s a little harder with the PUA events, because you don’t get the easy targets of people standing by themselves. Also, you have a lot more face to loose by standing by yourself. The hardest thing though is that I felt all this tension all around me. You don’t get people at ease laughing around or goofing. Once you talk to people, people don’t collapse into themselves and start blabbering.

Usually, events provide conversation starters. A rock climbing event lets you talk about gears, past trips, or great plans. Pickup events leave you stranded. You can talk about something cool that you read. However, that has the strong taste of you asserting your school of pickup over something else. That leads to the next way too often used conversation topic of everyone reading too much and needing to go in the field more. The whole idea of that is such a cliché. To repeat it is to be trite.

Every time, I mention something interesting or share experiences, I get this vibe from the other person that tells me that I am boasting. No matter, how humble an event that I pick. I tried the route of asking people for advice. Most people will freeze up and be completely uncomfortable sharing advice. Some people share a bit. Yet, there is no connection like ‘oh, I have the exact same problem’, followed by excited facial expression.

There is trying the easy conversation topics like, ‘Wow, it is Christmas.’ Those never get any response at all. After trying a couple things with the person across, they will usually excuse themselves and move on. It really makes me feel like I totally failed at that conversation.

Once you have made it through the ordeal, the beginning of the seminar is announced. You are glad that you don’t have to try to be social anymore. You find yourself in a room crammed with way too many hard metal foldout chairs. The little folding surface for your butt does not even seem as wide as the shoulders. The leg space is tighter than the cramped economy class on a plane. The place itself is kind of interesting. It is a large double tall room. There are some photos/prints around the place that suggest a creative person living in it. Actually, they are in a cluttered way that suggests a certain lack of design to the place. There is a table with a ton of stuff and a computer that is typical of the little backroom places. There is a refrigerator and kitchen type table with condiments in the corner that suggests that someone lives there. Behind the stage are two floors of living. The upper level has two windows that face down. One window is creatively placed diagonally. It makes it completely impractical to open the window, yet it looks creative. The person living in the place has long unkempt black hair that don’t seem to have seen shampoo recently. The resident makes the impression of a recovering self help gurus. He has spent years in group therapy and with books, only to feel empowered to lecture you on your life, yet instantly convey the picture that he is still a mess. His self admitted love of music only cinches the deal on a wannabe person, who never made it. Regardless, I am grateful that he offers his space. I find the creative aspect endearing. Next to the bathroom are old looking painted prints of naked muses. At the same time, the place makes me kind of uncomfortable.

That was the vision of what I expected. As I held the door knob in my hand to leave for that, I hesitated for a moment. Do I really want to put myself through the trouble? The answer was that something in me really wanted to go there. And, that something would have the resources to deal with it, because it wanted to go so badly. So, I left. I tried singing in the car to Godsmack to warm up my voice. My voice would not warm up. I hoped for being late to avoid the meet and greet. I hoped for being early to make it into a talking circle before they all closed.

As I got out of my parked car, a guy found a parking spot behind me. The natural suspicion is that he is going to the same event, because there is nothing else in the neighborhood. He asked me, if it were okay to park there. I tell him that I think so, because I did not see any signs. He asks me, if there is a yellow line on the curb. I see something that looks like a washed out yellow. It stops after three feet. So, I tell him that it is yellowish up until here. The conversation seems reasonable and helpful until here. Only, he keeps asking me over and over, if it is okay to park her. I say elusive things like ‘I guess so.’ I don’t want to be wrong and responsible for his parking ticket, in case I missed a sign. Fuck do I know, about those washed out color lines in Los Angeles. I wasn’t very verbal this point either. So, we are in this match already in the parking lot of him asking over and over, if it were okay to park here. Finally, he gives up. I put my tail between my legs and walk on.

In front of the place is only a group of three guys. We introduce each other. Fair enough, I am welcome into a circle. A minute later, the group splits. I am alone again. Luckily, some guy walks up to me. The conversation is cold and goes nowhere. I feel as tense as a terrier. The combination of cold and tense has every muscle in my body at maximum tension. I kind of hobble from standing a bit by myself to a conversation non-starters. I realize that people are actually pretty friendly. They recognize me. They introduce themselves. One guy even asked someone else in the group a bunch of questions. Maybe, it is really my tension that is being projected out. Maybe, a few more times of this exposure, and I will calm down and people will respond differently to me?

Luckily, the seminar starts. Luckily, there is one row that is offset and has ample leg room. I am glad to find a place here. Oh, and right next to it on the side are two girls sitting. They are dressed up. One has knee high boots with fishnet and a tight high hem line dress. I try not to stare. I wonder, if this is the demonstration of machismo. I wonder, what motivated the girls to come into a lions’ den. I am always amazed that nobody approaches the girls. It’s like the group either decides that the girls are not their taste or that fellow PUA girls are completely untouchable.

The first speaker goes by the pseudonym ‘Blue.’ His presentation lasts for about an hour or so. He is well prepared with slides. His presentation is full of rules and explanations. He starts with the idea of instant attraction. He describes the moments of walking through our lives and linking eyes with a girl and something happening. He breaks the likelihood for those moments of instant attraction down into an acronym BETH:
- Body language
- Energy
- Tonality
- Health & Hygiene, includes fashion and exercise)

He calls his method ‘blue method.’ At the core it breaks down that everything has a certain energy, feel, or aura around itself. For example soft earth has a certain smell and emotional tone about it. A person has a certain energy. That energy is transmitted through confidence. He defines confidence as being able to be yourself and being comfortable. Confidence can be expressed through the quality of eye contact and being genuine.

He made a side note about focusing on the person, not the pickup. He suggested newbies focusing on the pickup technique instead of the person they are picking up is getting them blown out. Be genuinely interested in the other person.

He made a few common knowledge examples for body language:
- confident people have wider stance
- standing up straight, shoulders relaxed
- head up
- avoid fiddling

He proposed a technique contrary to PUA wisdom. He suggested walking straight up to a girl, looking her in the eyes and asking her for her name would work. Most PUA approaches try to avoid seeming like AFC or the next regular guy’s approach. Yet, he suggested that the genuine part of the approach would work.

He had a few bullet points for the interaction and escalation after the approach:
- stand square after 30 seconds. A lot of PUA advice out there suggests to indicate a time constraint by having the body face partly away. Yet, he suggested doing so were completely unnatural and not, how friends talk and thus not helpful.
- Touch/kino – everyone says that
- Always lead – I am already tired of how guys have to always lead. I just want to find a girl that puts my head on her lap and soothes me.
- Laser eyes – I did not catch that one.
- Always be moving forward – oh that’s the deal of relationships are like sharks. They die, when they stop moving forward. He meant to say, don’t stick with comfortable topics. Move to more personal/intimate/sexual etc.
- Close the distance – get closer to the person
- Find out logistics
- Pull – Do they mean have sex, when they say pull?

Next something surprising happened. He talked about a kissing routine. He proposed kissing a girl on the cheek and then telling her that she owes you a peck on the cheek back. If she gives a good long wet peck, you can go for kissing her on the lips. If she gives you a short formal peck, tease her about being the worst kisser ever and let her try again.

Now, he decided to take one of the ladies sitting at the edge to demonstrate. They obviously belonged to another guy in the group. Girls don’t come by themselves. And, if girls come by themselves, they would talk to people, and not sit on the side in silence like property. It is kind of fun seeing it demonstrated and daring to see, if he will actually get a kiss on the cheek. She kissed him on the cheek. He immediately complimented her that it were the perfect long and wet kiss. He asked her to make a bad example. Yet, every bad example seemed to be another green light kiss in his evaluation. I felt the tension building, if he would actually kiss her on the lips. She was kind of in a tough position being on stage, it was hard to reject him. Plus, she was obviously here and agreed to experience the show of guys wanting and perhaps demonstrate some flirting on stage. It would really suck for the presenter to get rejected in front of everyone. He started kissing her back and force on the cheek. And, then he kissed her on the lips. She seemed to like it. Wow, I wonder, if her guy was upset about that.

I kind of liked the presentation, because Blue had a different twist. He went with that instant attraction and spark. I thought that his take on confidence being the ability to transmit your essence to the world as thought provoking.

The next speaker was Grandma. He looked like a 30-40 year old Asian. He started his lecture by saying that a good public speaking practice is to introduce yourself. So, he had spend some thought and/or training on how to present. In contrast to the well structure lecture before, he was more of talker/story teller.

He introduced himself as being different from other pickup teachers. He does not like same night lays, because he wants to get to know the girl first. So, he does pretty AFC things like asking her about her life or going to the movies. He finds most of the girls on PoF (plentyoffish.com). He claims to have had over 80 girl friends.

He calls his approach ‘grandma method,’ because he takes things kind of slow. Plus, he does not want to be a big label in the pickup group. Kind of like grand ma, he wants to offer really good food, yet only be known by a small circle of people.

His first tip was to randomly reward the girl with a peck on the cheek. For example, if she says that she likes a certain scene in a movie. Say that you like the scene as well and give her a peck as reward.

Obviously, the relationship to kissing her, reward, and movie are not strictly logical. He explained that your actions are interpreted very differently, depending on if someone likes you or not. He made the example that he listened to the cool kids in school. He put pick up a joke, ran over to another group of cool kids, and re-tell the joke. They never laughed at his joke, even it was a cool kids joke. Another example is someone bringing flowers to a girl’s house. If she likes him, it is sweet and romantic. If she does not like him, he is a creep and calls 911. He said that it seems rather unfair that the same action can be the most awesome or the worst. Yet, if a girl really likes you, you have a freebie card to do anything and she will interpret it as awesome.

The next tip that he offered was a trick from a hypnotist. He suggested imagining the warmness of being with your family around your heart. Then, have that ‘purpleness’ reach out to a person of interest and touch that person very softly on their clothing. Purple was a random color. The idea is that the other person would turn around by feeling the attention. Personally, I doubt that it would work for me. Usually, when I imagine things in my head, people just tell me that I look very dark and serious, no matter, if I imagine the fluffiest of things. So, I’d imagine that the girl would simply wonder why I was starring at her so harshly. That’s beside the point.

Next he talked about good emotions. He suggested that the core of good emotions is having pride and never loosing faith in yourself. He brought the example of how people react different to missing a basketball hoop. One person may say ‘next time.’ Another person may beat himself up about it. A second example was about his Asian tennis club. He had a bruise on his nose from hitting himself with the racquet. He further admitted to playing hours of tennis every day. He said that the people most looked down at the club are the ones that loose themselves in anger on the court.

He particular suggested observing ones immediate reaction to being blown out. Usually, after a few seconds, we can gather ourselves and tell our bodies that it was no problem. Yet, our split second reaction were a real indication, if we needed to work on ourselves or not.

He moved on to another topic. He said that he always felt like a monster after sex without love, because he felt that girls also expected the love, even if the agreement was otherwise. The separation afterward always felt awkward to him. He suggested that he could get an e-book to fix it, yet he did not really want to fix it. He’d rather have it ‘mean something.’ I am confused, when people always say that ‘sex has to mean something.’ The rainbow after the rain means that god will never flood the earth. What kind of biblical meaning could be after sex? And, the sex was so good that god will stop killing puppies? And, the sex was so good that they had to marry? I like meaning in a business context. My job of making software has meaning, because it makes people’s life better. My sex has meaning, because it made her feel good. That’s the meaning for me. Yet, I suppose neither he nor my last girl meant that. They were after something indefinable epic that mean monogamy. That’s where I get lost, how can a restriction to do something be a meaning. That does nothing to enrich the world. The wales lived a better life, because a couple in Alabama stopped sleeping with the gardener. WTF!

My diatribe aside, Grandma’s next topic was his approach on PoF. He claimed a pretty good response ratio, way different from my 60+ messages without response. He said to get the best photo of yourself and surround yourself with beautiful people. He suggested to pick environments depending on the girl. To get the girl next doo, do girl next door stuff. To get the club girl, do status based stuff on the photo. He suggested that once a girl was hooked on the photo, a girl could insist on you being cute, no matter what happened later in reality.

He did not like templates to e-mail girls. His approach was to read the whole profile and send a simple message: “I find this interesting about you…” and then he filled in, whatever he found interesting. He suggested to reply with messages of equal length or a bit more. He suggested to always lead, always be the one to offer a phone number or move things towards the real world date.

He made a side note about recommending David Deida’s book: “Way of the Superior Man.”

He shared the story of the best sex that he ever had, and how that sex was based on the raw desire to want to take the girl. It was morning. He was working on the stove to make breakfast. The girl came. He was still wearing pajama bottoms and his bare chest. She was wearing a pajama shirt that barely hang low enough to cover her panties. He looked at her. He grunted. Then, he rubbed himself against him and grunted again. She asked him, why he was grunting. He simply rubbed again at her and grunted. Then, he fucked her right there. He did not even take his pants off. He simply got his schlong through the zipper. He kept her panties on, simply pushed them to the side. There was no foreplay. They simply went raw at it. It was so good that years later and being separated, they still talk about that time. He finished that with all good sex, they were interrupted by a roommate showing up. (BTW, I really loved the mental image of the story. It made for great writing.)

He got back to the book about the superior man. He suggested that men have to lead at all times. He made the example of making dinner plans. A situation, where the girl rejects one suggestion after the next is a test of his leadership. Continuing the submissive way of discussing dinner places is no good. He proposed to make a twirl with the finger in the air. That would kind of distract things and change the mood. After changing the energy, she may well be okay going to a restaurant that she had completely rejected a minute ago.

His lecture finished with someone in the audience asking for his most outrageous pickup line. He asked, if anyone had read his five minutes to blow job story. Seemingly nobody had. He teased the audience about being illiterate. Then, he shared the story. He was sitting outside with a friend. They were smoking. Two girls walk by and are bumming them for cigarettes. He says that the girl has to make out with him for two minutes. The girl agrees. His friend is not as courageous and only asked the other girl to make a pose or something like that. So, they simply start making out without much of an introduction or anything. After a minute, she tests him by saying that the time is up. He knows that he has another minute left. So, he says so and they keep going.

The girl disappears. Ten minutes later, she comes back by herself. She stands there. He says nothing, walks up to her, grabs her hair, and starts making out with her. After a lot of minutes of making out, he says that her lips are really beautiful. They would look good around his dick. To his surprise she asks ‘where.’ He leads her into an entry way with an open door. She goes at it. He continues that like all good public sex, they got interrupted. A woman with a ton of bags walked in. She was stumped. He told her that it was okay to walk past. The woman walked past them as, if it were a completely normal deal. And, so Grandma finished his lecture. He pointed out that he coaches 5 hours for $100. I thought that was really cheap and I must have misheard or something.

Before Grandma was done, the resident of the place had positioned himself near the podium to indicate that his time was up soon. As grandma ran over inspired by audience questions, the next presenter started standing there as well. You could feel that the next presenter was eager to get Grandma off stage. I could give him points for maintaining his boundaries of protecting his speaking time. At the same time, he lost sympathy from me. He had been from the beginning kind of unsympathetic for me. And, his eagerness only made him fall down more. It would surely be the most disappointing talk of all three. There is a funny thing, how a lot of black people already start by standing out. Asians do not stand out. I do not even notice their race until some time, when I am reflecting on what I know about the person. Yet, black people stand out. They act differently. They have a different approach. The act out that they are not white with the body posture and style of dressing, even most of the audience is filled with Latin and Asian people. It is weird to say. However, some black people are white people. They are educated, speak like the rest, dress like the rest, and like stuff like the rest. It is not so much conformity, at least I hope, because Asian’s have their own national dishes and speak in their own languages, but they do it in a kind of ‘white’ way. The most extreme are Middle Eastern people. I saw once in a documentary that women will sit on the side of the road, squatting, and raising their arms up, while screaming to express their displeasure. First, it is weird to squat. Second, it is weird to wale. Third, express displeasure in different ways. Either know that you are venting by letting it out with your buddies or take up advocacy, if you want real change. I mean, you gotta let people, whatever they want to do, and respect all people equally. Some people just make it a lot harder.

Anyway, the next speaker despite his eagerness did not get to speak, because a fifteen minute break was called. The guy sitting next to me turned out to dance Salsa in Santa Monica. We exchanged contact info. He asked for it. However, he did not ask for it now. He only wanted it at the end. So, I figured that the break were good enough. He again insisted to exchange at the end. I figured oh, well. No harm done. He turned around and decided to exchange contact now. Now, that was strange. But, we are all nervous, are we not.

This has been a kind of painstaking entry to write. It should be cool to write about pickup. Yet, I was not very excited about anything in particular. There were a lot of noteworthy tips, yet nothing that would get me to go out and try it right now, and walk away with a girl or at least a hot flirt.

The third guy had already marked the two girls as his. They were all sitting on a low table. He straddled one of the girls, the one that had been kissed by the other presenter earlier. He came to the stage. He talked a little about his background as martial artist and penis pump seller. Then, he introduced that he would spend his time doing actual exercises with the girls.

He started by introducing that he believed, that we are responsible for everything that comes to us. It is the old idea that, if someone warm and friendly comes, it is because you were warm and friendly on the inside. If someone angry comes, you have to resolve anger issues inside of yourself. If something bad happens to you, it is your fault, because you attracted the opportunity to learn a lesson. He said that, if he comes home and his girl is mad, it had nothing to do with her day being shitty, it was all about him causing it. He said that it was something very empowering that also put a lot of responsibility on him. That was his spiel on believe systems.

Next, he played through an exercise. A volunteer from the audience was to stand on the other side of the podium of one of the two girls. He was to look her in the eyes. The girl would give him feedback, if she is getting creeped out, sexually turned on, or anything in between. The girls would be very blunt and direct in either direction of the spectrum. When he felt that he was ready, he should walk towards the girl and shake her hand.

I was way fucking tense. On one hand, I always tell myself to take opportunities, because even if you literally pee your pants in front of an audience, you won’t meet those guys again. And, there is something that you will have learned. I felt so tense that moment. There was no way that I would go up there, having muscles as tense and hard as titanium, and then trying to have a playful, friendly, and sexual gaze at the girl. The whole thing of looking at the girl. What could I do? I look the way that I look. If I try to change a little, people say that it looks the same. If I change more, it looks like a circus face. It is so frustrating, because I know that other guys can put on charming faces.

So, the guy that went up, was kind of like me. He stood there. He kept looking at the girl. And, nothing much happened. The girl did not magically melt rubbing her boobs. When he walked up to her, the girl told him that he seemed robotic. That whole painful thing of telling him to look differently happened for a bit. To me, nothing really changed, the speaker, Terrance Thames was telling him things to change his energy. He did not really change. Then, he started whispering stuff into his ear. The volunteer had no reaction on his face or nodding. He was simply listening. Then, he instantly walked to the girl with more purpose and shook her hand. The girl’s face reacted. People asked, what was different. Terrance said that he was whispering dirty stuff into the volunteer’s ear.

It was rather remarkable to be able to observe a guy and a girl like a scientist. Yet, there were no real conclusions to draw from it. Let us only point out that the girl told him to not wait for her to initiate conversation. She told him to say ‘hi’ first after shaking her hand. So, they always had a chitchat of two or three sentences after he shook his hand.

The next level was that Terrance did a kind of wrestler swimming with the volunteer. Basically, they hugged each other. The person on the outside would put his arms on the inside of the hug. The other person would now be outside and switch inside. So, the arms started kind of swimming in their hug. Terrance is a tall and huge guy. He kept chest bumping hard down on the volunteers. You could hear the chest bumps. Afterward, the guy was kind of pumped from the physical activity and his next approach was more animated.

The takeaway for me what that warm ups change your state of mind. If someone is making jokes with his buddies the whole time and does physical play, he will be in a much better frame to approach girls. Having studied all day and not talked to people simply puts you in a totally different mood and physiological state. What does that tell about blogging so much and being hungry for quite a while, but wanting to get this entry out of the way? All of that is instead of going Salsa dancing, which I am very scared about, especially after the last bad experience.

The next guy did kind of the same. He didn’t look particular charming or anything. However, when he said, ‘hi,’ Terrance stopped him and reminded him of the rule to not talk. The second volunteer went back and re-tried. This time, he was quiet. The girl asked him something like his name or how he was. He did not respond. She asked a second time and he responded. A minute later, Terrance asked him, what had happened that he was quiet. He pointed out that he was told to. Terrance told him to respond to the girl. Remember, earlier the girl had chided the first volunteer for making her talk first. That’s the deal with a lot of instructors. They give instructions one way and then blame you for not following them, even they made people do it the other way.

Next, Terrance coached the second volunteer to skip all the unimportant talk and go for what he really wanted to know. So, after waiting for a gaze that I don’t think did any connecting, he walked up to her and asked her straight up, ‘what do you like in a man?’ She was flustered and said to not walk up to people and ask that kind of stuff. Terrance contradicted her. He told him to handle such ‘tests,’ by saying that he really wanted to know, rather than letting him be thrown off.

The next coaching, Terrance asked him about his background to find something playful. It turns out that the volunteer liked making music. He played in a band. To get the creative vibe going, he’d tease other people. So, Terrance told him to bring that vibe. The volunteer told him that people always tell him to tune it down, because his teasing did not come off as funny, but mean. The next run, he walked up to the girl and playfully punched her on the upper arm. She told him to not go around punching random people. That much for trying to implement advice.

During the Q&A session, it came out that Terrance PUA approach is to be genuine. He said that he did not approach many girls. He’d usually approach maybe five girls. The third girl would usually genuinely interest him. People like genuine people. Sure, they may be set back at first by, who you really are or by your bluntness. Yet, they will figure out that it is you. And, because you are sincere, they will trust you more and your word has more weight. I kind of liked that approach.

One more observation before closing: I immediately spotted the girls in the room. I immediately noticed that they were dressed hot: short skirt, leather boots, high heels etc, makeup. I immediately avoided eye contact to hide any interest that I may have, before I even really realized, if I was interested. Second, I tried to minimize them. I looked at the at short glances. I noticed that alluring makeup, postures, clothing, body etc. I tried to see the real person. I tried to see the hapless woman under the layer of makeup. I kind of started agreeing to myself that nowadays all people simply get better makeup advice. So, they look hotter, but she is probably the same hapless girl that has not much going on. Yet, when I heard the black haired talk to the first volunteer. She was really engaged and playful. You could see her get excited, when one of the volunteers said that he likes rough playing and teasing his friends. I stared liking her. The other one impressed by how intellectual she seemed. Terrance had started by asking people about their believe systems. One guy in the front row had immediately said the ‘serenity prayer.’ It reminded me of alcoholics anonymous. Terrance did not know it and asked him for it. The guy in the front row did not know either. Nobody, seemed to know, except for the blond girl. And, when she said it, her voice suggested that she knew a lot more about the whole topic of self help etc. It made her seem knowledgeable and engaged in the world. I liked that. I was still struggling with being a girlless guy fearing approach among probably people, who had done extra ordinary stunts in the girl department. I mean, I know that I am a beginner. Though, I don’t want to roll out a carpet to crawl under it and demonstrate my willingness to do so, before anyone even can finish saying ‘hi.’ So, what do you, when there are two hot girls?